Most human beings are no saints either, not in the traditional sense anyway. According to Catholic faith a saint is person who at the end of his or her life, the moment of death, by devotion to God and His miraculous grace has overcome all human weakness towards selfishness.
Few people ever reach this form of perfection not even at the last minute of life.
But alas, times have changed.The outdated notions of sainthood are now obsolete. We have modernized. Sainthood is now much easier to achieve. The rules might be slightly different, we are progressive, after all. But now the goal is attainable for just about everyone.
Of course the authority setting the rules has changed as well, the Church being replaced by the Divine Empire.
However, since being a saint is now so much easier, sainthood has quite naturally become the relevant pre-condition for the individual to being afforded human rights and a saintly government for a nation to being afforded the protection of international law.
In pre-historic times, I mean before September 11, 2001, being a saint never was seen as such a prerequisite in our parts. Even a criminal used to have the right to humane treatment, the right to be allowed to sleep a few hours regularly every night, and he was allowed to breath, whenever he needed to, allowed to eat three times a day, and he even was allowed to move his arms and legs whenever he wanted, or sit, stand or walk in positions that won´t create excruciating pain, the right not to be drowned, the right not to be sexually abused, oh you know the old fashioned stuff.
A suspect of a crime used to have the right to legal representation, contact with his family and a trial in a civil court.
What an utter abuse of those perfectly good human rights on those terribly no-good and un-saintly people, don´t you agree?
Worse even was the abuse and waste of this perfectly good international law, protecting those un-saintly nations shock-full of imperfect people.
Primitive nations had the right to take sovereign economic decisions, protecting their economies, their resources and agricultural lands from the agents of the Divine Empire.
What a terrible waste of resources on those primitive barbarians sitting on the everything the would be put to so much better use by the Divine Empire.
International law used to be such a nuisance, an obstacle for the Divine Empire to invade and bring Divine Freedom and Democracy to lands of the savages. The Empire had to send in some under-cover agents training and arming those natives, what an rather inefficient way to do the business.
But the Divinity of the Empire be praised, things have changed in International Law as well.
All obstacles to the progress of the Divine Empire have been removed.
After all, we live in a progressive age.
Now who is the Divine Empire, some ignoramus might ask. You should know better, of course, you should feel it´s eternal superiority in your very bones, what more do you need to know.
I only can tell you, what it is not:
It is not the American people, although the United States are it´s current military main-base and the US tax-payer currently it´s main financial supporter. But bases can change, the Empire stays forever, since it is Divine and superior. It´s reign is above all things and it´s kingdom lasts forever and ever and so on…
The Divine Empire´s favorite out-base (it has many others) is naturally Israel, at the moment anyway.
And therefor whoever gives offense to this out-base will have committed an unforgivable sin, to be under condemnation forever and ever.
And therefor peace can never be negotiated with Hamas or Hizbullah and all there members will forever be damned, never achieve the level of sainthood needed for humans rights to be granted unto them.
The rest of the Palestinian and Lebanese people can only be saved, if they acknowledge the State of Israel as their lord and master in all things, give up all territory their lord asks for and squeeze themselves into their allotted bantustans.
However, due to their former stubborness in resisting the Divine rule of the Divine Empire´s favorite son Israel for so long a time, it is doubtful that these people can ever achieve the sainthood and perfection needed to grant them unconditional human rights, conditional ones maybe, in small portions and only on probation one day in the future.
Others do have far better chances to attain the necessary sainthood and perfection obligatory to be afforded human rights as individuals or being under the protection of international law as a nation.
But in order to walk on this long and narrow path to saintliness, which might be even longer and more narrow, when your skin isn´t as white as one might wish, of course need to learn the basic rules and commandments of the Divine Empire, whose culture and way of thinking is superior over all cultures ever living on this earth past or present.
First Rule:
The Divine Empire is always right.
From the first rule follows the first commandment:
“Thou shalt not be angered!”
Unless, of course, you are the Divine Empire or a loyal servant thereof.
Then you can reign divine wrath and damnation in bolts of blazing fire and destruction on anyone, that commits the blasphemy of angry thoughts or words against the Empire (or deeds of anger, the Empire may save me with all its Divine power from even the thought of such.)
Remember and write it on your forehead or behind your ears, you aspiring saint:
Whenever the Empire´s American and British servants and especially it´s favorite son Israel blow up your family´s home with your father, mother, brother, sister, wife or child inside, the Divine Empire is always right and has a very good and valid reason for this deed.
And therefor:
“Thou shalt not feel resentment, thou shalt not speak angry words or think thoughts of revenge.”
If you ever would contemplate to do so, then the Divine Empire has the very right to send their flying drone-bombers after you to blow you to smithereens and, of course, the rest of your neighborhood with you.
If your country is on the Empire´s list of spouting an un-saintly government or too many un-saintly people, your best survival option might be to immediately move out of the neighborhood of everyone you suspect of having un-saintly thoughts.
If you are serious in your quest for imperial sainthood, then please contact your local CIA under-cover agent.
He will provide you with a list of saintly organizations you can join, which will further the progress of the Divine Empire in your country.
If you then are constant, diligent, loyal and most of all productive servant to one of those organizations and the damage on your country´s economy was heavy enough or alternatively the death-toll after blowing up your neighborhood´s places of worship was high enough, then the Divine Empire will award you with immediate recognition of sainthood and in time even a position in the highest echelons of government, when after all your toil and work the Divine Empire finally enters your country in a blaze of glory.
Hail, the Divine Empire, hail.
If you are a government official of any country not on the immediate list of those who are hopeless of achieving imperial sainthood , be sure to secure the sainthood of yourself and your country by opening it´s borders wide to the financial agents of the Divine Empire, called “investors”. Be sure to sell every rail-way, every power-plant, every water-treatment facility, all electrical lines and all hospitals to them. Also sell your country´s most fertile lands to the Divine Empire´s agribusinesses, evict the savage squatters, who live on the land and pretend ownership. These primitives don´t even know, what ownership means. If you make any profit on the deals, keep it.
And, of course, under no conditions hold back any of your financial institutions.
The largest threat to your sainthood are any form of financial restrictions. Any such restrictions would call the worst forms of wrath by the Divine Empire over your and over all your people´s heads.
Be sure to fulfill all the conditions of the WTO and never ever hinder any genetical manipulated seeds to enter your country. Indeed, it would be prudent to encourage all your country´s farmers to use them, since you only will be allowed to support agriculture under those conditions, unless you produce bio-fuels and burn your nations food-supply as the ultimate sacrifice to the Divine Empire´s global warming doctrine.
Genetically enhancement will make food once again affordable to even the poorest of your country, since it would be a terrible detriment to your sainthood to subsidize food that hasn´t been genetically manipulated.
If there should occur any health problems among your people after eating the gen-food, then duly bless and glorify the name of the Divine Empire, for now you have found a way to lower life-expectancy of your country´s poor and so offset their abominable high birth-rates and lower your countries´overall carbon foot-print the same time.
As a bonus you now can sell the resulting surplus carbon credits on the financial markets, piously supporting those markets, as the Divine Empire´s life-blood, and make a killing for yourself.
Remember, oh government official, the more money you make from your position, the higher the star of your imperial sainthood will rise.
Under no conditions, as a government official or an ordinary citizen, should you ever insist on living a culture which might differ in any form from the divine culture the Divine Empire proscribes.
And sister, hear me, really open your ears and listen well:
If you consider wearing a headscarf, this is absolutely, absolutely taboo, unless you actually ask for having it shot off your head.
Don´t be stubborn, sister, in that regard you should really think first about the welfare your menfolks and children. You have to understand now, that although the Empire´s weapons are always ones of high precision, they still might hit your children, while just aiming at your darned headscarf.
Alternatively your husband might be invited to some water-boarding session. For you see, your wearing a headscarf is the surest sign of him being a radical extremist and on the way of becoming a terrorist.
But now, sh, sh, sh, sister, don´t say it. Don´t even ever think it.
Waterboarding is, of course, NOT torture.
This beneficial procedure is so far removed from what the Holy Inquisition of the past used to determine guilt or innocence by drowning. The modern inquisition to determine one´s guilt is so much more sophisticated and always done with academic precision and only using scientifically proved methods.
The session will be exactly timed. The water will be measured precisely. Of course, healthy salt-water will be used to prevent fatal damage to the mineral balance in your husband´s blood from swallowing to many liters of it. There will be experienced doctors present at all times to resuscitate your husband in case he should have the terrorist affront of a suicidal action and just try to inhale. So don´t you worry too much.
But in the remote eventuality, that an unforeseen accident should happen and your husband might not make it and disappear permanently, then be sure to never, ever ask about his where-abouts.
If you do not listen to this good advice, you are positively asking for it, you really are.
Operatives – trained in the Schools of the America´s or a new and improved form of this school – will then most certainly seize you at any time.
And if you should then be unfortunately in the company of your little brother and your two year-old son, they will seize them as well. They will torture you and your brother with very un-scientific methods and will rip out your son´s fingernails in front of your eyes.
It has been done before, so don´t say, I didn´t warn you.
The best way to avoid all this nuisance and attain the imperial sainthood necessary to protect you, is by giving up the anachronistic culture you were born into and embrace the liberal and progressive culture of the Divine Empire.
The imperial culture demands equality of women in all areas of life, at home, in education, at the working place and in military combat, aren´t you delighted, sister?
There is only one are where equality would be counterproductive and that would be the dress code you have to adhere to.
There is one mandatory imperial rule for women that doesn´t apply to the male gender.
Women have to be “sexy”.
So if you go to buy a pair of shoes, ask your sales-attendant, if the shoes you have in mind are surely “sexy” enough. Don´t worry about them being comfortably to walk. Women of imperial sainthood are strictly forbidden to wear comfortable shoes, unless, of course, they are combat soldiers in action.
As for the rest of the dress-code, young women, especially, are demanded to wear as little clothes as the weather allows. That dress-code is very strict and will be enforced by imperial peer-groups of girls in all imperial high-schools.
If the weather is too cold for baring her tummy and naval, make sure that at least your daughter´s clothes are skin-tight.
You, yourself might not be demanded to wear this kind of uncomfortable clothes at all times in public, especially if you should be a bit chubby around the middle. However, make absolutely sure to at least bare your breasts sufficiently and wear the right kind of supportive under-wear to present them well enough.
On the other hand, if you should be a bit on the skinny side, tune in to your local satellite stations, where they show you in detail what kind of plastic surgeries are available and you can witness live how these are done.
You ask me, why the Divine Empire enforces so strict rules on women´s clothing and the female body?
Oh sister, dear sister, you are really inexperienced and you have still a long way to go towards imperial sainthood.
Remember the first rule, “the Divine Empire is always right”?
And remember the principle that the Divine Empire´s culture is superior to all the other cultures ever having existed on this planet?
These are the two best reasons, of course, and actually shouldn´t ask any more.
But I will be generous with you, taking into account, that you are so new and inexperienced in your long journey to imperial sainthood, and tell you in confidence that there is another reason:
Scientists have found out in thorough research in laboratory as well as field tests, that the presence of an “attractive” (speak sexy) woman in the vicinity will lower a man´s intelligence and thinking capacity considerably.
Saying it a bit crude, sister, and just between us: The less you dress, the more male brain-cells slide down into their private parts.
The Divine Empire, in its infinite wisdom, wants those brain-cells to reside permanently within those parts.
Keeping enough scarcely dressed women around (virtually in images or in person) at all times will do the trick.
Stupid males are extremely serviceable to the Divien Empire in it´s military pursuits, unless they are highly paid weapon´s developers, of course. To be promoted to these positions, other parts of the brain must be missing, frontal lobe parts, I think, governing the fully outdated and superfluous conscience, so many of us are still burdened with.
So sister, come on and repent, acquire modern day sainthood and be of service to the Divine Empire in every way you can.
